Lesson #1: People Lie

Maybe not lie... but some people have a very distorted image of themselves, and it is absolutely terrifying.  A beer gut is not an "average body type".  5'7" is not 5'9".  Simply wanting a friend with benefits is not, contrary to popular belief, the same thing as looking for that special someone.  So, as an online dater, I am having to learn that people will, gulp, lie to make themselves look better, or taller, than they really are. 

Maybe I am a huge nerd, but I put a lot of effort into looking within myself to be able to accurately portray and represent myself to others.  And I thought I did a damn good job, if I do say so myself.  I used complete sentences and correct grammar as well, so as to show my level of intellect.  I posted a current and appropriate picture of myself.  I was very thorough with my likes and dislikes.  Simple concept.  You want someone to like you for you.  So why the crap?  (Feel free to check out my match.com profile; please tell me what I did wrong! JessicaOV429.) 

My matches were... well, some were great, and I saw some potential even on the computer screen.  But for the most part, I was very disappointed.  It's all in the profile details!  Please... if you are going to go the same route as I did (whether on an established site or something as sleazy as craigslist), follow these simple guidelines...

• First of all, do not take the used car salesman approach to making yourself seem date-worthy.  Talking about how wonderful you are will simply make your reader turn the page and go on to the next match.  Share your good qualities, of course.  But don't overdo it... Buying a girl flowers one time because you forgot her birthday doesn't make you a hopeless romantic.
• Please avoid run on sentences with little or no puncuation.  Use capital letters at appropriate times--never in the middle of a sentence, always at the beginning of a sentence.  A majority of people cannot and will not read a paragraph that looks like it was posted by a teenaged girl who doesn't stop to take a breath when she talks.
• It's a good idea to be honest in what you are looking for, and you owe it yourself to have high standards.  But you are on a dating website.  You will not find Scarlet Johansson's look alike.  (And ladies, Brad Pitt's twin is probably taken and isn't shopping on a website.) Perfection does not exist.  Expect that.  I actually saw a guy whose headline was, "No fat chix... stop winking at me."  You're on match.com, buddy. 
• Avoid using anger tactics to get that special someone.  "I am so sick of games and drama," or, "I hate cheaters and liars!" are lame declarations to make.  No one likes games, drama, cheaters, or liars, and it makes you look desperate.  Don't state the obvious in such a fashion.  These types of comments automatically make me wonder, "Okay, so what did they do to deserve it?"
• No one under the age of 25 should be using internet services for dates.  Go out to a bar, hit on the girl next to you in your English class, but do not sell yourself on a website.  Do it in person, get rejected like the rest of the adults in the world had to do; it'll help build character.